A Rant and a Vow

THE RANT:

I am angry.  My anger was sparked by one event which led me to think of other similar ones, and I find myself in a frustrated, mainly helpless place of indignation.  So, here goes. 

Why do teachers who seemingly dislike children choose to teach?  Truth be told, they do not really teach.  They bully and threaten and insult and belittle the very people who they are supposed to be protecting and encouraging and teaching and building up.  There is a local teacher who I would love to slap.  My pacifist friends would not be pleased to hear me say that, but I think I could slap her, convince myself that the Holy Spirit told me to in order to expedite a life-changing experience for her so she can live a more Christ-like life.  The tales of her hatefulness have opened a Pandora's box of injustices.

Could someone please tell me why people find it necessary to compare children?  I have a relative who, when he was in high school, at times, was compared to a cousin close in age.  No matter how well he did in school, he was reminded that his A's did not mean as much as his cousin's A's because he attended public school and the cousin was in private school.  There was no way to win. He was a much loved, very accomplished young man, but in the mind of his grandfather, who felt it necessary to compare the two, he never quite measured up.  Sadly, I think he also believed that he never quite measured up.  Years after the grandfather died, this man while in treatment for depression, was required to write his grandfather a letter to just get out the hurt those comparisons caused him.  It is an irony of life that we often repeat behaviors that have harmed us.  I remember when this same man in conversation with a young family member found it permissible to belittle the school that child attended, encouraging him to convince his parents to send him to the very private school his cousin had attended so many years before. 

I know how it feels to be compared to someone and come up lacking.  My aunt Ruth, at every family occasion, found it entertaining to have her daughter and me stand back to back to see who was the tallest...or the shortest.   Her criterion for which was better was strictly dependant upon what her daughter was.  I've mentioned this before, but the Lord God blessed me with a daddy who made me think he thought I was perfect, so my psyche was not harmed by what I, even as a child, considered ridiculous exercises in proving who was better.  I knew in my father's eyes there was no comparison, so I tolerated the embarrassment of the family gawking as Gail and I stood back to back, and I heard my aunt's cries of glee that, yet again, her daughter was the victor in the height wars.  Give me a break.

I know of grandparents who do the same thing.  They have their grandchildren stand side by side so they can see who is taller.  It is understood by all that being tall is the better situation.  Why do they do that?  Children are the height they are supposed to be, and one's height has nothing to do with the other.  It is as if the children have some control over how tall they grow.  Why should anyone feel badly because they are short, or tall?   I know grandparents who if one grandchild is complimented, they feel it necessary to tout the superiority of another grandchild.  Who cares?  We are not talking about that child.  To praise one should not be to put down another.  Can you tell I'm really frustrated?   Let me say, it is not just grandparents who do this.  Parents do it. 

Sometimes I think people feel comfortable to belittle children because their parents give tacit permission through their own behavior toward the child.  I would be a monstrous hypocrite if I did not admit that I was guilty of that from time to time.  I regret every word or action that may have caused my children to believe they were not good enough for me.  I have always thought they were wonderful, but they have not always known I felt that way.  I hope they know I think it now. 

I have a niece.  She has three children...three absolutely adorable children.  We all know she thinks they are precious and wonderful and she shows it in her actions and in her words.  I love when she says, "isn't he just the cutest little boy you've ever seen?"  He is adorable, there is no doubt.  She does not compare him to anyone else.  For her there is no comparison.  Good for her.  That is how it should be.  Children deserve the adults in their lives to "have their backs," be it parents, grandparents, teachers or whoever. 

And another thing....what is the deal with kids putting other kids down because they don't wear the fancy brand of shoes or drive the right car or live in the right neighborhood?  Children are not born with those prejudices.  They learn them from the adults in their lives.  Why is being an athlete more important than being a really good person?  I want so badly to say, when a kid is bragging about his Sperry's, "okay, great, you have the "in" shoes, but tell me what kind thing did you do today?"  Adults are just as bad.  We all know adults who love to brag about their stuff, and how much they paid for it. I once had someone say to me after buying a new car, "you just DON'T want to know how much we paid for this car."  I agreed with them.  I think they really wanted me to know, but I really just did not care.  Now, if they had gotten a great deal, I would loved to have known, but I figure the only reason to word it the way they did was to let me know just how MUCH they paid for it. 

I was on the phone once with a friend and commented that Marshall was running around the house.  She actually asked me which day he started walking because she had a child amost his same age, and she wanted to be sure her child had started walking first.  I think I told her what day he started walking, but what I should have said was, "he started walking on the day he was supposed to."  I caught that same mom once running her finger in Marshall's mouth counting his teeth so she could tell me her child had more.  So?  I figured he was not going to get to adulthood without teeth, and guess what, I was right.  Comparisons are just silly talk.

I am not how tall I am.  I am not what I weigh.  I am not the car I drive.  I am not the clothes I wear.  I am not the house I live in.  I am not the vacations I take.  I am not my college degree. I am not my job.  I am not my husband's income.  I am the people I love.  I am the people I help.  I am the people I encourage.  I am what I sacrifice.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  I bear the stamp of God, the Creator and the Father.  I need, no, I long to act like it. 

THE VOW:

I have 1 and almost 3/4 grandsons right now.  Simeon and Max.  I vow to them that I will always know and let them know that they are perfectly themselves. I vow that I will never ask them to stand back to back and see who is taller.  I vow that I will never comment on their achievements in any way that makes them feel I am comparing one to the other. I vow I will ask them what they GAVE for Christmas long before I ask what they received.  I vow that  I will let them know I see the image of God stamped on them. I vow that I will let them know that they are not the shoes they wear, the car they ride in, the house they live in, the bike they own, the grades they make, the instruments they play, nor the touchdowns they score.  I vow that I will be proud of their accomplishments as those successes stand on their own and not in regard to someone elses. 

I love what Aibileen always said to Mae Mobley in The Help.  I vow that I will say my own version of it to my grandchildren whenever they are with me...you are kind, you are smart, you are important, and you are loved just as you are. 

Whew.  I feel better.

So for today, I wish you a doing away with silly comparisons, an awareness of your own divine spark, and I wish you

blessings