"YOU"

"You wouldn't worry so much about what people think about you if you knew how seldom they did." 

Outside of Biblical truth, this is the single most important concept my mother taught me.  It is a philosphy of freedom.

We all know people whose feelings are easily wounded.  If some people are told, "I don't like your shoes," they immediately think, "why don't YOU like me?"  I think, "who asked YOU?"

I have been guilty at times of wondering why YOU did not like me.  YOU never told me YOU did not like me, but I picked up a "disliking vibe" from YOU, an indifference, if you will.  How utterly absurd.  Do I seriously think that YOU looked in the mirror that morning, and while brushing YOUR teeth decided that YOUR goal for that day was to snub me?  I really don't think I am that important.

Bullying is a huge problem in our schools...well, in life.  Parents bully kids.  Teachers bully kids.  Kids bully kids.  Bosses bully employees.  Spouses bully spouses.  There is no aspect of life that doesn't involve some sort of bullying. 

A friend and I have developed the early stages of a program to help children learn how to deal with bullying.  We have had training sessions for five or six different groups.  Of course, a huge part of anti-bullying training is to help children not become bullies, but for me, the most important part is to not let oneself be a target for bullying.  DO NOT FEED THE BULLY. 

Coming to understand why a bully bullies is important, but the part of our sessions that I hit the hardest is the concept that "just because somebody says it about you doesn't make it true.  When my children were little, sometimes my daughter would come to me crying, "he said I was stupid!"  I would reply, "well, are you stupid?"  She would say, "no!"  I would say, "then tell him he is mistaken."  Replies like that take the wind out of the sails of bullies.  Of course, not always, and of course, I am talking about relative minor episodes of bullying.

Sometimes not worrying about what people think about you can make you a little dense.  It is a denseness I can live with.  Years ago, we had several couple friends who spent a lot of time together.  We traveled as couples and with our families.  We could often be seen out having dinner or going to a movie.  We had each other in our homes.  There came a time when I began to sense that one couple was distancing themselves from "he who wishes to remain unnamed on FB" and me.  Finally, I asked one of our mutual friends if we had done anything to hurt or offend the other couple.  The reply was filled with great relief as I was told that it had been a year and a half since that couple decided they did not want to be friends with us anymore, and everybody else was just waiting for us to figure it out.  Talk about dense. 

Not worrying about what people think about you and realizing that they don't all that often, frees one up for being concerned for the well-being of others.  When YOU are indifferent, rude, angry or hateful, I would be much better off to understand where YOU are coming from than to take what YOU have said or done personally.  YOU pretty much have to come to me and say, "I am doing/saying this so it will hurt your feelings," and even then my thoughts usually go along the lines of, "YOU have something seriously wrong with YOU."

I do and don't do enough things on my own to cause myself to seek introspection and self-analysis without abdicating my well-being to YOU.  So, while I love YOU, and I want YOU to be happy, please forgive me when I don't let YOU hurt me, and when I assume that I am not the target of YOUR disdain.....even if I am.

blessings