When I go into schools and speak, sometimes I tell the story of Angus McGruffy. Angus was a bully who picked on Davy Crockett when they were children. Go figure...a one-room schoolhouse, one teacher, and still there was a bully. I tell the children that, like all bullies, Angus was stupid. My definition of stupid here is not unintelligent, but rather "lacking in understanding." I am quite certain that bullies lack the understanding of the harm they cause, the extraordinarily poor light they cast on themselves, and the peace they could have in their own lives if they would just stop their bullying. Perhaps, stupid is not the right word to use, but kids get that word, and I only have a few minutes to make the points I want to make. If I can get just one child to stop and think, then maybe those few minutes have been well-spent. What right did Angus have to pick on the younger students? None, of course. He just did it because he could. Maybe he was being bullied at home. I do not really know.
I recently heard a story about a young girl who swallowed too much medicine just in an effort to have a day of peace away from those who bullied her at school She was not trying to kill herself, she wanted one day of peace. What right does anyone have to rob the peace of another? Can you imagine? I suspect a lot of us can imagine. We have all seen bullies in action ~ parents, teachers, spouses, siblings, classmates, acquaintances. Probably, we have all been a bully at some time or another. Bullies come in all sorts of genres.
Several years ago, I was speaking at a school when a teacher, in the most inappropriate way in my opinion, called out two boys. She belittled them in front of their classmates. She embarrassed them. She set them apart from the rest of the children, and they really were not doing anything that annoying nor that disruptive. I had the sense that they were often the objects of her disdain. The truth be told, she was the inappropriate, annoying and disruptive one. She bullied them, and in my eyes, she did not make them anything but sympathetic characters. She made me want to bop her on the head. I never did enjoy time spent with that teacher. I don't know her life story. Perhaps, she had an abusive husband at home, or maybe she was raised by an abusive father, and it was what she knew. Is there a time when adults learn to overcome? Could she not have asked herself, "what right do I have to treat these students this way?"
We are probably all aware of people who bully others with their money. They make a contribution to a charity, and they think that gives them the right to demand that certain things be done their way. Or someone who threatens to "pick up their ball and go home" because things are not going their way. That is a form of bullying. Or the person, like Howard Wolowitz's mother who feigns illness when she tries to control him. That is bullying.
Some of the worst bullies I know are highly intelligent. They love to verbally bully. They can get you so addled that you couldn't spell your own name if your life depended on it. What right do they have? I read a book by a man whose father was an alcoholic, and highly intelligent. He was a terrible bully. He made everyone in the house tiptoe. He would rage if anyone made too much noise. What right did he have? Get up and go to another room, for heaven's sake. I guess he got a pass because he suffered from an addiction, and I know that has to be so very difficult to overcome, but does there come a time when we need to stop constantly thinking about ourselves, and realize what we are doing to the people around us? Is that preachy and judgmental?
I am not sure where bullying comes from. I am a person who does not really believe in conceit. I think people who come across as thinking themselves superior, are scared to death. I think people who refuse to set their own egos aside for the good of the group or the couple or the family are so insecure they have to keep their behavior going so nobody catches on. People who are confident in their abilities and in their place in this world have no need to convince anybody of anything. They have nothing to prove. They have no need to prove their superior intellect (which they may have), their vast wealth (which they may have), their extreme generosity (which they may have), their exceptional talent (which they may have), their great success (which they may have achieved),or anything else of consequence they may have. They are comfortable in their own skin. They have no need to call anyone else names. They do not need to put others down to elevate themselves.
How do we raise people to live within their own space, only reaching out to care for and love others, never reaching out to cause injury and hurt? I do not know. I do not want to be a bully, nor do I want to be the target of a bully. Mr. Lincoln is not a bully.
I recently heard a story about a young girl who swallowed too much medicine just in an effort to have a day of peace away from those who bullied her at school She was not trying to kill herself, she wanted one day of peace. What right does anyone have to rob the peace of another? Can you imagine? I suspect a lot of us can imagine. We have all seen bullies in action ~ parents, teachers, spouses, siblings, classmates, acquaintances. Probably, we have all been a bully at some time or another. Bullies come in all sorts of genres.
Several years ago, I was speaking at a school when a teacher, in the most inappropriate way in my opinion, called out two boys. She belittled them in front of their classmates. She embarrassed them. She set them apart from the rest of the children, and they really were not doing anything that annoying nor that disruptive. I had the sense that they were often the objects of her disdain. The truth be told, she was the inappropriate, annoying and disruptive one. She bullied them, and in my eyes, she did not make them anything but sympathetic characters. She made me want to bop her on the head. I never did enjoy time spent with that teacher. I don't know her life story. Perhaps, she had an abusive husband at home, or maybe she was raised by an abusive father, and it was what she knew. Is there a time when adults learn to overcome? Could she not have asked herself, "what right do I have to treat these students this way?"
We are probably all aware of people who bully others with their money. They make a contribution to a charity, and they think that gives them the right to demand that certain things be done their way. Or someone who threatens to "pick up their ball and go home" because things are not going their way. That is a form of bullying. Or the person, like Howard Wolowitz's mother who feigns illness when she tries to control him. That is bullying.
Some of the worst bullies I know are highly intelligent. They love to verbally bully. They can get you so addled that you couldn't spell your own name if your life depended on it. What right do they have? I read a book by a man whose father was an alcoholic, and highly intelligent. He was a terrible bully. He made everyone in the house tiptoe. He would rage if anyone made too much noise. What right did he have? Get up and go to another room, for heaven's sake. I guess he got a pass because he suffered from an addiction, and I know that has to be so very difficult to overcome, but does there come a time when we need to stop constantly thinking about ourselves, and realize what we are doing to the people around us? Is that preachy and judgmental?
I am not sure where bullying comes from. I am a person who does not really believe in conceit. I think people who come across as thinking themselves superior, are scared to death. I think people who refuse to set their own egos aside for the good of the group or the couple or the family are so insecure they have to keep their behavior going so nobody catches on. People who are confident in their abilities and in their place in this world have no need to convince anybody of anything. They have nothing to prove. They have no need to prove their superior intellect (which they may have), their vast wealth (which they may have), their extreme generosity (which they may have), their exceptional talent (which they may have), their great success (which they may have achieved),or anything else of consequence they may have. They are comfortable in their own skin. They have no need to call anyone else names. They do not need to put others down to elevate themselves.
How do we raise people to live within their own space, only reaching out to care for and love others, never reaching out to cause injury and hurt? I do not know. I do not want to be a bully, nor do I want to be the target of a bully. Mr. Lincoln is not a bully.
This past Saturday he and I started out on a lovely little adventure....breakfast at Puckett's with a gift card Marshall and Sheri gave us for Christmas. I took my camera in order to get some good pictures. Puckett's was crowded, so Mr. Lincoln waited at the restaurant while I walked around and took some photos. Turns out that I did not get any shots because my SD card was not in the camera, and apparently this new camera does not have internal memory. We had a lovely breakfast, and then he agreed to go with me to the antique mall so that I could buy a wedding present. This man does not like to go to antique malls, but he neither balked nor complained. In fact he made quite the funny joke about some walking cane he saw, saying it was used to darn Paul Bunyan's socks. Guess you had to be there, huh? I found a gift, and we headed home.
Coming through Brentwood, we were stopped by the police. What in the world? We were not speeding. We did not run a stoplight. What in the world? Well, our tags were expired on the car. Did I mention that we were in my car? They expired in December. Oops. When the officer asked to see Mr. Lincoln's driver's license, low and behold, it was not in his wallet. Oh, my goodness, this is not good. When the officer asked about my insurance card, the most recent one I found expired in '08. This just gets better and better. The officer was lovely, and only gave us a ticket for the expired tags and not for driving without a license, nor for the lack of an insurance card. My point here, is that Mr. Lincoln possibly had the right to rail against my inefficiency and failure to take care of things. He could have been legitimately angry, and let it boil over into bullying. But, he did not. Because he does not. Because he most always asks himself in such instances, "will this matter in 5 years?" Of course, it won't matter in 5 years. It doesn't matter today. He had my car tested Saturday afternoon, I got my tags yesterday, and it just doesn't matter. He did not need to call me names, belittle me, nor try to make me feel stupid. He could have. Possibly, he had a right to, but, no, he did not have a right to. I made a mistake. He got that. He may have known that if he had really pitched a fit that I would have told him it was all his fault for paying for me to be in Florida for the month of January. Could that logic be any more askew?
This has just been on my mind. In the few mediations I have done, almost always a bully can be identified in domestic assault cases. These are usually physical bullies, but physical harm often times is not nearly as damaging as emotional harm. Even though bullies are stupid, the most intelligent ones are the most harmful.
So for today, I wish you the confidence to realize that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, the confidence to know that all those with whom you come in contact are also fearfully and wonderfully made...in the image of God, Himself, and I wish you
blessings
No comments:
Post a Comment