Yesterday, the boys, Violet and I starred in a real live tale of horror. Anyone who thinks I exaggerate was not there, and, also, possibly doesn't understand sarcasm.
After picking the boys up from school, I bring them home for a snack. They are a bit sassy and loud, so I banish them to the outdoors. They do not want to put on my insect repellant spray so decide to play in the driveway with sidewalk chalk, pavers painted to look like a road, and toy tanks and jeeps. Violet and I stay inside to watch. She is not being sassy and loud.
As we sit in the rocker watching the boys, all of a sudden, I hear loud screeching. There is a big difference in the mad yell and the terrified and in pain yell. They come running through the back gate, crying and screaming as a swarm of yellow jackets follows. Max has at least 7 stuck on his shirt. 2 truths, no 3 truths about yellow jackets. 1. They will sting you through your clothes. 2. They, unlike honey bees, can sting multiple times and do not die after stinging. 3. They hurt like a ~ fill in your own blankity, blank, blank here.
As the boys run toward me, screaming my name, I immediately see what is happening. I quickly jerk Simmy's shirt off and get him in the house. Trying to avoid getting yellow jackets in the house, I am using a towel nearby on the patio to brush the beasts off Max's shirt even as I am trying to get his shirt off. One of the little buggers attaches himself to my hand and begins to sting me. I figure this is to remind me that all the screaming and crying the boys are doing is not an exaggeration of the pain of the experience. I use my other hand to pick him off, jerk Max's shirt off, throw it on the ground, push him into the house, scoop up Violet and herd everyone into my bathroom where I begin to fill the tub up with tepid water, hoping this will help the stinging. Unbeknownst to me, a yellow jacket has followed us into the bathroom. It does not take long for Simeon (Mr. Observant) to notice it, and as impossible as it seems, the yelling becomes even louder.
I plop Violet into my laundry basket, give her some dirty clothes to play with as I go about trying to kill the one tenacious, persistent yellow jacket flying about the room. Finally, I take my sock off, grab him off the window sill, smash him and flush him down the toilet. Never have I felt such vengeful satisfaction. I remember that MP had ordered pizza earlier in the day to be delivered for our dinner around 4:30 or so. It is now 4:45 and I am wondering if the pizza deliverer is here, for Heaven knows, I would not have heard him above the screaming. I tell the boys to just soak in the tub, grab Violet, run to the front window where I see the pizza deliverer's truck. I rush to the patio, find him on the phone talking to my son-in-law whose phone number is connected to the pizza order, cram $7 into his hand, apologize for his having to wait, ask him to just set the pizza in the kitchen, and run back to the bathroom, hoping he is not a mass-murderer.
Violet is unceremoniously set back in the laundry basket, Simmy is begging to get out of the tub. He is freezing because he has no extra insulation on his bones. I get him out, wrap him in a towel, rock him as I sit on my broken toilet seat, which numerous times creaks with threats of dumping Simmy and me onto the floor. Finally, Simmy wants to sit on my bed, but not put any clothes on. He's hungry. In the meantime, all of Max, except for his nostrils, is covered by water. He is crying and scratching, but in typical Max fashion, raises his head just enough to ask, "Mellie, did Violet get stung?" I also figure out later as he was screaming, "Mellie, get Violet out of here," he was worried that she might get stung, rather than being concerned that she might see him naked, which is what I thought he was worried about. Seriously, the boy is such an empath.
I wrap Simmy back up in a towel, set him on my bed, pull the feather comforter up around him, grab a beach towel to put across his lap, grab him a piece of pizza, and he enjoys sitting in bed, eating as if he was a king sending his minion to fetch what he needed. He's a funny guy, and as Marshall said later, both boys are very dramatic, but Simmy has a Shakespearean air about his performances.
Early on in this saga, I text (talk to text ~ never a good idea), the parents of these two wounded boys. What I meant to say to their parents was that I felt I should let them know that the boys had been stung multiple times. I just felt they should know that because we had no reference as to whether they are allergic or not. I have an epi-pen for just such an occasion, which I did not use yesterday, because as MP said, I probably had more adrenaline coursing through my body than any epi-pen could deliver. My talk to text actually ended up saying that I needed directions because the boys had been stung and that I had gotten into a cold bath tub. I'm sure their confidence in my ability to take care of their children took a hit with that text.
MP is in a mandatory class for work and can not leave. She is texting and sending me signs to look for to indicate a sever allergic reaction. Marshall leaves where he is immediately, stops and buys children's Tylenol and Benadryl. Josh hurries over from real estate business in East Nashville and Sheri leaves work as soon as possible. The boys are picked up. I take Tylenol, Advil and Benadryl and go to bed around 8:00. This morning, all of us seem to be doing exceptionally well, I am happy to report. Violet is bound to grow up to be and ER Doc, because she is most calm in a storm. Never did she even whimper.
I am beyond thankful that neither boy had anaphylaxis and that Violet was not stung. If we had added a ride in the back of an ambulance to the hospital, my calm may have departed. Now, what we have is just another story the boys can tell of their days together at Fizzy's and Mellie's. I am somewhat shocked that a neighbor did not call the police. It was obvious that something terrible was happening at my house. I am grateful that the pizza deliverer was not a mass murderer. I am grateful that Advil, Tylenol and Benadryl exist.
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