I Miss Him

 



Love this man, and I actually thought this sweater was adorable...where is it when I need an ugly Christmas sweater?

I miss him.  This will be the 18th Christmas without him, my wonderful, handsome, kind, gentlemanly daddy.  He would have had you believe that Christmas was a humbug. He loved playing the role of Scrooge, but he was no Scrooge. He was not a particularly good gifter nor receiver of gifts. I remember one year early in my marriage, I knitted Daddy a scarf.  He opened it and said, "that's nice, but I will never wear it."  Funny how that might have hurt my feelings coming from someone else, but that was "just Daddy," and I adored him.  Even if he might have grumbled, he always helped Mom fashion elaborate wreaths for the front door. He always made sure the spotlight hit the wreath perfectly.He may not have been a shopper, but he wanted to be sure that we had what we needed and what we wanted. Mom was in charge of acquiring those gifts. What Daddy loved most about Christmas was being with family. He may have talked about too many kids, too many gifts or too many decorations, but he loved us all. I miss him.


Does this look like a Scrooge to you?

I miss him, that beautiful, complicated, sensitive, wounded oldest brother of mine. This will be the tenth Christmas without him. Truth be told, our last few Christmases together were strained in many ways for many reasons. As time goes, if I am allowed to follow my own heart, those uncomfortable Christmases fade into the background while congenial ones become more vivid. Mr. L worked with my brother for several years. I remember a specific Christmas office dinner and gathering at my brother's home at which he made me feel most welcomed and loved. Probably, as long as I live I will be able to feel his hand gently resting on my shoulder as we gathered in his parlor (it is an old house and "living room" will not do-it was a proper parlor) and he thanked us all for being there. He was a great giver of gifts. He loved beautiful things, and loved giving beautiful things to others. He loved the decorations, the music, the fanfare of the holidays. I miss him.


A merry Christmas

I miss him. This is our first Christmas without him, my straightforward, uncomplicated, big-hearted brother. His health was such last year that he could not join us for the family gatherings, but we all made sure to see him during the week of Christmas. I think I took the boys, and maybe some Christmas treat. He had the family sweet tooth. He loved my mother's boiled custard. My memories of him are loud and bright and span my entire lifetime. My childhood Christmas memories cannot be separated from him. He was a mischief maker. With his beautiful face and rosy cheeks, he looked like a really jolly Santa. While he required very little in the way of material goods, he wanted to be sure everyone else had what they needed. One year after playing Dirty Santa, my brother had relentlessly stolen what Mr. L. had opened. It was one of those foot spas for aching, tired feet.  My sister-in-law teased my brother about taking that gift from the one person who actually needed such a thing because of all Mr. L's running. When we left my mom's that night, in the backseat of our car sat that foot spa. That is who he was.  I miss him.



This was less during his Santa look alike days, and more his James Dean/Paul Newman days.

So, today, I wish you Christmas blessings