Sometimes, I discover that I knew things in junior high school that I have forgotten. I can remember on some occasions in junior high and high school walking away from conversations because I felt it was unseemly for me to participate in them. There were many more from which I should have departed than I did, but I will count life's small victories where I can. I distinctly remember, as an adult with a group of women from church when I did not just walk away, but I said, "I am not comfortable participating in this conversation." Sometimes, some church women can be the worst in these sorts of conversations (gossip) because they get to hide behind the "bless her hearts," and " she needs our prayers." We all, in my opinion, need prayers, but our struggles do not need to be casually bantered about, often among folks who have only a modicum of understanding of those struggles, under the guise of "helpfulness."
Recently, I was caught in a conversation where I said, "I am not comfortable participating in this conversation." I was told that I was silly, and so I had to admit that might be so, however, my participation in that conversation was not going to happen. Certainly, in the 62 years of my life, I have said those words not nearly enough, enjoying my sense of superiority discussing another's problems, "for as messed up as my life might be, praise God I am not as screwed up as they are."
In a conversation with a dear, precious friend, yesterday, she told me something she was going to do for the purpose of saying it out loud, which created for her a bit of accountability. We rule followers understand that all too well. She knows that I am not going to check up on her to be sure that she is sticking to her resolution, but saying it to someone, made it real and much more difficult to break for her. I get that. Thus, was born this blog.
There are two questions I try to remember to ask myself when I get caught in conversations that make me uncomfortable in my gut. First, would I say this to this person's face, and secondly, if I were the subject of this conversation, would I feel loved and cared for? If the answer to either one is no, then I want and need to walk away. If I am really feeling it, I think I need to say, "this is a conversation in which I am uncomfortable participating." I am not telling you what you should be doing, but I have every right to let you know that I am uncomfortable, and for my own sense of self and to put forth some effort in some small, tiny way to reflect Jesus in this world, I must listen to what my gut is telling me.
I do think we all need a confidant, someone with whom we can share the frustrations we feel are caused by others' actions. I am blessed with two or three people with whom I can share these things. Otherwise, I might explode...or implode.
There, I have said it out loud. I have put it in print. I am accountable to the 2 or 3 of you who read this. I pray that my knee jerk will be to ask, "would I say this to the person's face, and would I feel loved and cared for if I were the topic of this conversation?" Until that becomes my default, I pray that I will analyze, and consider before I join the dialogue.
I do not know who said it, but someone said, "speak only that which love requires." I like that. If all else fails, then the old standby "if you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all."
For today, I wish you the power to speak only that which love requires, and I wish you
blessings
No comments:
Post a Comment