New Rules of the Road

When one rides in a car for almost 900 miles like Mr. L and I did last weekend, one has the opportunity to observe drivers. I began to notice similarities in driving practices and certain demographics. If you are offended by this post, I apologize...maybe...not really.

Rule Number One:  If you have testosterone levels even the tiniest bit above normal, you may not drive a car. Period! In addition to the written, driving, and eye tests, all people (in an effort to not be discriminatory) will also have a blood test to check testosterone levels. If those levels are exceptionally high, someone will be called to pick you up and you will be on house arrest until you get it under control. This is for your own safety and for the well-being of those with whom you come in contact.

Rule Number Two:  If you have even a modicum of testosterone in your bloodstream and drive either a Dodge or Ford pick-up truck, you may drive with limitations.  You may even drive on the interstate with certain restrictions. You must drive the speed limit or below and you may only change lanes once every ten miles. Guess you better pay attention, otherwise you are going to miss your exit, Buster. If you break either if these rules, well, let's just say, you will be terribly dismayed by the fine you will be required to pay, but then you may get that soprano part in the church choir. They say there is always a positive to every negative.

Rule Number Three:  If you drive and text, woe to you, you irresponsible human being. There is nothing so important in that text that remotely justifies your having to address it as you drive either 80 mph or 40 mph on the interstate. So, your punishment will be swift, and depending on the number of offenses, far-reaching. First offense...your phone will be confiscated. Second offense...I really don't like guns, but...the arresting police officer has the option of firing his weapon at your phone until it dies. As an aside, your insurance will not cover a replacement. Three or more offenses, well, let me ask if you're familiar with the practice of Yubitsume.

While I am open to the possibility that these punishments are a bit Draconian, perhaps they would prove to be quite effective. I will be the first to say, however, how much better it would be if people would just be aware of the responsibility of all humans to take care of those around us. How much better if we would leave in time to get where we are going so we don't feel the need to drive like bats out of hell to get there. How much better it would be if we understood that our text about whatever is not important enough to jeopardize our or others' safety. Come on people. Let's show a little less indifference to the folks around us.