Today, I am feeling blessed. That term bothers people I know and love. Some really resent being wished a blessed day, or blessings on their day. On some level that makes sense. We think of blessings as coming from God, and when the disparity of blessings, or lack thereof, is witnessed, it makes God seem unfair, arbitrary, and capricious....or nonexistent. This inequity of blessings is one reason some atheists are atheists. Well, it is probably not THE reason anyone embraces atheism, but the imbalance of blessings is one more nail in the coffin of incredulousness a non-believer experiences. It would be foolish to try to minimize that. It would be foolish to try to explain. I have no explanation.
But, today, as most days, I am feeling blessed. Certainly, it is not because of anything I have done to earn this sense of blessedness. In a way, it has very little to do with externals today. My neck hurts. I can barely turn my head. I do not know why. Perhaps, it is those 3 ruptured disks. The Advil I have taken for the pain makes my stomach hurt. My grandsons are not here. One is in Florida, one is at home being loved on and cared for by his other grandmother, a lovely, lovely woman. I miss them. The morning started off with some stress; the cause of which I have to just tell myself will not matter in five years. I have accomplished pretty much nothing today besides eating, including opening a 4 pound bag of chocolate chips and eating a handful of those. I suppose I should feel fortunate that I have not eaten all 4 pounds. It is after 1:00, and I don't think I have even brushed my teeth yet. Not a productive day, to say the least.
But, I am feeling blessed today. I am not sure why. I am not sure if "blessed" is the right word to use. I do not feel giddy, or particularly "happy." I am not sure if contented is even a good word. Maybe, I feel lucky, or fortunate, or, I do not know. Maybe grateful is right.
I am grateful for Simeon and Max, for my children, for their spouses, for this dreary, cool fall day, for a husband I love and like and enjoy spending time with but can be apart from, for my mother, for this house that has cracks and doors that won't work and a suspicious musty odor when it rains, for the memories of my family of origin, for those of that family with whom I still can spend time, for a brother who moved home giving us the opportunity to know and love each other, for the love I feel especially from 2 or 3 friends in particular (you know who you are), for texts from a niece in Arkansas who saw a car like mine and was disappointed it was not me, for another niece who shows great character and determination, for a nephew whose kindness and sweetness touch my heart, for a neck that hurts so when it doesn't I will appreciate the lack of pain, for a car that runs, for food to eat, for a church family I love, for gracious emails from a friend from high school, for equally gracious emails from a young man I greatly admire, for a phone call from someone with whom I had lost contact and plans for lunch have been made, for the thoughtfulness of a father whose child participated in a tour yesterday, for the physical ability to walk and talk in order to conduct those tours, for holidays approaching, for a precious family of 4 in Minnesota who I love from the bottom of my heart, for all the people who have come and gone in my life, for those who have come and stayed, and for so many more things I am most grateful.
Am I blessed? I believe so. I do not know why. How do I handle these blessings? It depends. Some days I refuse to see them, and focus totally on what I think I do not have. Some days I take them for granted, as though they were owed me. Some days, just some days, I recognize some of them. On my best days, I share them.
For today, I wish you a "best day" of sharing your
blessings
No comments:
Post a Comment