It has been re-brought to my attention in the past few days, that in life often a second glance is needed.
A few days ago, a friend, really an acquaintance whom I admire because I know the company she keeps and "her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also...," shared a post on FB. It was a picture of a man holding a sign that said "if I get a million likes, my son will go to church." On first glance I thought, "I like church. This is probably some friendly bet the dad and son have where the son said 'yeah, I'll go to church if you can get a million likes on FB,' sort of in the vein of 'I'll go to church when pigs fly.'" So I hit the "like" button?
Then, I read some of the comments following the post. I was struck all over again (I can be a really slow learner) how hurtful church has been for some. While many of the comments were accompanied by the "f" word multiple times and, what seemed to me, extreme vitriolic statements, I have to know that those feelings were born of some form of abuse and/or perversion by people connected to church. Rarely, if ever, does a person feel that strongly about something without reason. So, upon second glance, I hit "unlike."
I get that father's desire for his son to go to church. For me, it is a community of people with similar beliefs who help me grow in my theology, who set wonderful examples of service, who encourage me in my efforts to follow a Christ-like path, who are flawed and annoying and stubborn and imperfect (wait...an apt description of myself) and redeemed. So, I get that dad. Upon second glance, I am learning to understand a bit better those who are offended by that post.
Recently, a young woman shared her story with a group. On one level, it is a story hard to hear. It is a story of severe family dysfunction followed by a series of self-destructive choices. She is completely transparent concerning her life then and her life now. Her story was told most eloquently, woven with threads of humility and gratitude. She blames no one. She is an amazing woman. In her talk, she did not share her accomplishments brought about by hard work and determination. I happen to learn of those through others who know and love her. I was moved to tears as she shared her story. I heard a wise man say afterwards that we can read all the philosophers and theologians we want, no one can tell the story like this young woman.
Later, someone came to her and told her that she had done a nice job (huge understatement), but that her dress was too short (not in my opinion). What? Oh, my goodness I was furious when I heard this. It seemed such a cruel comment. I cannot judge in what spirit it was delivered. The young woman had bought the dress the day before so that she would be nicely and appropriately dressed. I really wanted to slap someone.
However, upon second glance, I found myself sorrowful for the person who walked away from that time of testimony with "your dress is too short." They completely missed the beauty. Let me say here that I am capable of doing exactly the same thing. I can totally discount great lessons because I do not particularly care for the messenger or I have a headache or countless other reasons. Often, I am able to see how my bias causes me to misjudge. Probably, just as often I do not see. Perhaps, a second glance is always needed.
I hope that upon second glance in this young woman's heart the "your dress is too short" will be drowned out by the comments that praised her honesty, her courage, her tenacity, and her humility. I do not know why it is, but often we humans cling to the negative others toss our way rather than the positive. I guess Julia Roberts was right in "Pretty Woman" when she said "the bad stuff is easier to believe."
I hope that upon second glance the person who made the comment will realize how unkind it was. I hope, upon second glance, they discover the essence of love and joy and gratitude present in that testimony rather than being blinded by a skirt that might have been (it was not) too short.
I hope that upon second glance those who have been wounded by church will see the flaws in the people but not in the plan. Church done well is a wonderful thing. I hope they won't stay away from lack of a second glance.
I hope that those who love church and find it a blessed place of refuge will, upon second glance, be honest about the failures that have caused damage to others.
So for today, I wish you second glances, deeper understanding, and I wish you
blessings
